Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Changes & Nerves

I'm getting excited and nervous about the surgery. I know I still have a little less than three months, but I feel like having that much time is only giving me time to worry! But the good part is it gives me a lot of time to prepare. For example, I find myself not wanting any fast food or wanting to bake any sweets lately. My husband asked me to make him cookies a couple of weeks ago, and I've been putting it off because it just doesn't sound like fun. That is a huge deal for me as I am famous around here for baking a LOT. But it's like the desire just left me. And fast food doesn't sound good at all anymore. I used to love it, especially french fries. I have still eaten it a few times mainly because it's convenient, but I feel like not having a taste for it is a good start. And at least I have three months to change how I eat so my body doesn't go into shock after surgery and I don't go through a state of depression like I've heard that some people do.

I'm a little scared of the surgery. My mom's second cousin died a couple of days ago after having gastric bypass a week and a half earlier. They are doing an autopsy to find an official cause, but this scares me. I know lap band is much less invasive, but you always have to prepare for the worst and pray for the best with any surgery and anything in life. I start thinking to myself maybe lap band is a selfish decision, but I know it's something I'll always regret not trying if I don't. I just love my husband and daughter so much that I can't stand the thought of leaving them. I hope lap band surgery can help to give me a better overall quality of life. That's really why I'm doing this.


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