Thursday, November 5, 2009

My fears & final decisions

The decision to have lap band surgery isn't easy for me. I come from a long line of people who tell others to just eat healthy, exercise, and the weight will come off. To be honest, when I have followed that advice, I have truly lost weight. I just gained it all back during major changes in my life. I am hoping the restriction of the lap band will really be that extra tool I can use to not gain weight. I will most definitely eat healthier, but the upside of the band to me is that when something major in my life happens that I don't gain 50 lbs. I am tired of the yo-yo dieting. Can I get an "Amen"?

The past couple of days have been spent finalizing plans. I still have to make my initial deposit and plan a date. Honestly, I started doubting myself yesterday. I started thinking that maybe I should just wait until I can get on insurance or reapply for Medicaid and then fight for my surgery here in the states. Then I realized... I just don't wanna jump through all the hoops only for insurance to deny me anyway because I don't have any co-morbitities. I don't need to convince a corporation that I need this surgery. I don't need to convince ANYone. I know it will be beneficial. Plus I have the support of my husband, mom, dad, and stepmom. What more could I ask for? I am truly the luckiest girl on the planet.

Another thing I'm scared about is leaving my daughter for a few days. Right now I stay at home with her and I have done so ever since she was born. She's my little princess, and we've never spent a night apart and rarely have we spent the entire day apart. This will be challenging for me because I love her so much and she is such a mama's girl. I know I will cry being away from her for more than a day. Then I have to look at the flipside of the coin: me being away from her for a few days means that I will hopefully be around a lot more years to come! The sacrifice will be worth it.

An obstacle I am facing right now is telling my in-laws about my decision. Their opinion wouldn't mean so much to me except our circumstances make it so. Right now my husband, daughter, and I live in his parents' basement. My husband had to leave his job in September of 2008, and ever since then, we have been here. We are both back in school, and my husband works full-time. We were just about to move out here in December or January when I told my husband: "If I don't get this surgery now, I'll never have another opportunity to get it". And it's true. We'll never have this much extra money lying around again. If we moved out now, then we wouldn't have the extra income to save for surgery. But if I get surgery in Jan/Feb and we move out in April, I think it's feasible. I am really scared about what my father-in-law will say, though. He's an MD, and I think he might think that lap band is the easy way out. So if they tell us they don't think I should get it, it leaves me in kind of a bind because we live here virtually rent free and we do feel some sense of obligation to them for how we spend our money. Bleh. Hopefully they will be supportive. I've already mentioned it to my mother-in-law and she was like "Oh, I wanna get it too but my hubby won't let me". That was enough to scare me out of telling him! Lol. Plus we'll really need them to watch our daughter while we're gone. Oh well, if they disapprove strongly enough then we can just stay with my dad and stepmom until April. But I really hope that's a last resort.

I'm really ready to get this ball rolling. I talked to a woman named Charlotte today at Fill Centers USA and got some estimates on aftercare pricing. I really don't wanna drive to TN or GA for aftercare, but the places I talked to here around AL don't take other patients or only on a selective basis. We'll see what happens with that. In the meantime, please keep me in your prayers. I need strength from myself and understanding from the people around me.


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