Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My journey through weight

I remember during Thanksgiving break of my 7th grade year, my mom took me shopping for jeans. It was the first time I had to buy a size up in 7/8, and I swore I was fat. I was about 140 lbs and 5'6". I wish my mom had taken me aside then and told me I wasn't fat. I wish she had told me instead that I was perfectly beautiful the way I was. And maybe she made a comment back to me like "Oh brother, you're not fat!" but I can't remember it. All I remember is accepting that then and there, I was fat.

I really started to pack on the pounds during the second semester of my freshman year in high school. I was dealing with a lot of stress and was getting really depressed. I started therapy my sophomore year. Along with therapy, I took Paxil to deal with my depression and social anxiety. Unfortunately, I gained about 40 lbs. My stepmom and I joined Weight Watchers and I lost about 30 lbs, but by the time I graduated high school in 2004, I had gained it all back and then some. I was 5'8" and up to 240 lbs. I was sickened with myself. My best friend was a size zero and about 86 lbs, so you can imagine how I felt always standing next to her. I wish I could find a picture of me then, but I avoided the camera like the plague.

It was then that I decided to change my life for the better. I started eating chicken and vegetables and brown rice and drinking a LOT of water. I monitored my calories and made an effort to exercise every once in a while. Before I knew it, I was down to 170 lbs. This is how much I weighed when I met the man who was to become my husband in 2006. As soon as I met him, we began spending a lot of time together. Since he ate like crap, so did I. Here's a picture of me in early 2007 around 180-ish:

By the time of our wedding in late 2007, I was 200-210 lbs. (I'm not sure exactly--I refused to touch the scale). Looking at my pictures, I didn't look that bad. But my confidence was shot because I had gained 30-40 lbs back. Here is a wedding picture of me:

Throughout our first year of marriage, I only continued to gain weight. We moved to a new city with very stressful jobs, and we ate out so much. We had a baby in February of 2009, and after that, I knew I had to do something. Here is sit at 280 lbs. I had to buy new jeans because I couldn't fit into my pre-pregnancy size 20 jeans. I wear oversized t-shirts all of the time. I hate it. Here is a picture of me from a family reunion this August:

I don't even look like the same person as I did two years ago on our wedding day. I posted these pictures to give you a visual of my journey and struggle with weight. I am ready to be the same size I was when I met my husband (or smaller!). I want to first and foremost be healthy. I wanna buy cute clothes. I wanna feel sexy. I'm sure all you women out there can relate! :)


  1. Just wanted to say congrats on having the surgery. I am just a baby bandster myself but am excited at the possibilities of being at a normal weight and staying there.

  2. Thanks, Carla! I am with you on that one! :)



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